You know that moment when you unexpectedly run into a high school acquaintance whose name you can’t remember? Or when a friend introduces you to one of their friends—then leaves you alone with that stranger?
That’s how I feel every Sunday during the “greet your neighbor” portion at church. Upon hearing the instructions to say hello to those sitting next to me, my heart begins to pound immediately. I’m positive my palms are sweaty and everyone can see the nervousness on my face. I greet one, two, maybe even three people, and we exchange names and smiles. Then, I face the front, hoping the music will begin again soon, praying no one will notice I’ve returned my hands to my pockets early or see my face glistening with anxious sweat.
Afterward, I always think, “that wasn’t so bad, really.” But my memory is short, and the dread returns, without fail, every week.
I’ve been attending one church since December, when I moved back to Kansas City, and it’s starting to feel like home. It seems time now to begin to try to make new friends, to get involved in something besides sitting in a pew once a week. But, as I’ve learned over the past four years, it’s much more difficult to make friends after college. Everyone’s busy, settled into their own lives, it seems, and my desire to develop friendships and do something at church is overshadowed by my anxiousness at opening myself up to those new relationships.
Am I the only nervous introvert whose transitions from strangers to friendships aren’t seamless? How have you struggled to join in community or helped people like me whose worst nightmares are small talk and icebreakers?
photo courtesy: nomm de photo
great question. I'm not a fan of our "meet and greet" at all. We have a short and wide sanctuary and there are people everywhere and it takes like 5 minutes every Sunday. It's kind of chaotic and like it was said, the conversations are so surface level. We are an older church and change is definitely difficult.
Some churches I have been in call it "passing of the peace." I really like this language.
Instead of saying, "what's up?" you say, "the peace of Christ be with you." But then again, it's not so much what we say, but where the heart is at.
I am an introverted person – but I'm also the organist so while everyone "greets" – I play!