My favorite worship service in college was called Refiner’s Fire. It was led by one student sitting at a piano. The only light in the room was there to illuminate the piano music. This worship experience went from 10 pm to midnight every Sunday. Sometimes there was singing. Sometimes there was silence. People would read scripture or share how God had moved in their life. Every week was different.
Throughout most of the other worship services at college, it seemed like everyone was competing to see who could be most expressive during worship. You were labeled spiritually passionate if you held your hands up through the whole worship experience. How you worshiped seemed to define your personal relationship with God.
The reason I loved Refiner’s Fire was because of the darkness. No one could see how anyone else worshiped. Every week I walked in the doors of Refiner’s Fire, sat down with my feet up on the seat in front of me, and put my head back. I didn’t sing. I didn’t speak. I didn’t close my eyes when I prayed (gasp). I met with God in silent community.
I have never been a very expressive person when it comes to worship. I would rather sit than stand. I would choose silent prayer over praying out loud. I think “amen” rather than shout it. Throughout my life, people have told me I look mad, bored, or unexcited during worship services. I have always struggled with this. I am torn between the importance of communal worship and my desire to worship in a dark room so everyone can worship in the way they are most comfortable.
If communal worship could get to the place where everyone could worship however they wanted, would there still be a label of “most spiritual” to the one who held their hands up the longest? Why does there always seem to be a connection between spiritual maturity and emotional expressiveness?
And then there is the question that stills swirls around my head all too often; is there something wrong with how I like to worship? Is there something wrong because I prefer to sit instead of raise my hands up? Should everyone, expressive in nature or not, look equally as expressive in worship?
Good post and good questions Rachel. Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart…I think we will always be obsessed with how we look while we worship, how others look, what we're doing, what others are doing. I think this is one reason that worship is a discipline: it takes work and intentionality to focus on God. And what else is worship, but focusing on God?
LOVE this, Rachel! I'd love to attend a worship time like this and am a lot like you in my approach. Amen! Amen!
Excellent post Rachel.
Interesting thoughts, Rachel. I have similar yet opposing sentiments. I am one who does like to worship expressively . . . but not when others are around. So the darkness would be ideal for me so that I CAN jump around and raise my arms or do whatever without anyone noticing how silly I look (or judging me to be more or less spiritual than I really am).
With both hands up and my eyes closed and facing Lenexa – great post Rachel!