the blog
Yes, No, and Speaking Your Mind
by rachel
July 8, 2010 | Life | 3 responses
I grew up just south of Boston, which means there was a Dunkin Donuts on every corner (why do you think my dog’s name is Dunkin), it took 20 minutes to drive 2 miles, people didn’t talk to each other in the grocery stores, and everyone spoke their minds. Where I lived, people didn’t hold back their opinion, and that opinion usually came out in a blunt, slightly abrasive way.
Sometimes I miss that. Moving to the Midwest was quite a shock in that way. People no longer said what they thought, or at least not as bluntly as I was used to. One of my closest friends in Kansas City never says no. Instead, I have had to decipher which yes means no by what type of tone she uses. In Boston, people had no trouble saying no, and it usually comes with an expletive in front of it.
While I still believe speaking your mind is a good thing, to have your yes mean yes and your no mean no (Isn’t that in the Good Book somewhere?), I think it’s hard to balance this with listening and respecting other people’s opinions. Just because I have no problem speaking my mind, doesn’t mean I have to do so in every conversation. And just because I don’t take offense to someone saying they disagree with me, doesn’t mean everyone is like that. I am still navigating the balance of speaking honestly and choosing my words respectfully and carefully (and I’m sure our team at the House Studio would say I still lean towards speaking my mind).
As Christians, I think it especially important for us to live in that balance, a balance of speaking up and listening in silence. Do you stuggle with this balance? Which end are you on?
Hey Rachel, I grew up in Swansea an hour south of Boston. Dunkin on every corner, no eye contact with strangers (unless you are in a stare-down contest), and lots of blunt people with chips on their shoulders.
for me, i usually dont speak up enough, but as I'm getting older I think I'm learning to open my mouth a bit more.
My issue is when someone speaks their mind but it comes across as condescending, arrogant, rude, or dismissive. If it is a guy on the street that is one thing but a person you work with or a person at church it is another story. This usually occurs in a "discussion" and ends all communication. Being a jerk destroys relationships.
On the other hand, saying "no" in a nice way is much preferred over a "yes" that isn't followed through on (i.e. "yeah I'll be there" translates into a no-show). Lack of integrity.
I suppose I'm saying yes should be yes and no should be no but don't be a jerk about it.
Rachel,
Unfortunately, experience has taught me that the only difference between the Northeast and the Midwest (and other areas of the country) is that in the NE they say it to your face. I appreciate the transparency.